If you are able to remain present with the people and situations that you find upsetting, you can stop reacting and start responding. Responding is to be present, to observe your feelings and be ‘with’ what is happening. To respond is to accept what is happening instead of fighting against it.
This teachable moment refers to scenes throughout the film.
About This Lesson
Examine your life and see how reactive you are to the situations and people that upset you. Compare your reactions to how Grandpa Howard deals with situations. He does not react to his daughter’s criticisms, he simply listens, remains present and if things get too uncomfortable, he excuses himself. He does not react to the neglected garden by complaining, he simply responds by working towards restoring the garden to a state of beauty. He does not react to the neighbour’s violence and unconsciousness. Instead, he resounds by having a present conversation and giving Brutus a bone. Reaction comes when you bring the past into the present. Response flows from presence. If you remain in the present moment, you can stop reacting and start responding. In this state, you don’t make anything or anybody into an enemy, you just accept and respond.
Discussion Questions
1Can you remember a time when you were triggered by something someone said or did and reacted in a negative way? How did you react? What did you say and/or do?
2Can you think of another way you could have responded to that person in a calm way?
Family Activity
Engage in a family discussion around specific examples where conflict may have occurred and someone was triggered and reacted. Did the reaction help the situation or cause more upset and frustration?
Have a conversation about other ways one could respond to the same event without anger, upset or frustration. What strategies could you use to respond versus react?
Some suggested strategies:
- pause, take a breath, and walk away until you calm down
- be aware that you have been triggered and practice deep breathing to remain calm
- ask questions to clarify the real issue before reacting to the situation
- respectfully communicate your feelings to the other person(s)
Explain that we all experience times when we want to react to something or someone. It’s important to note that it’s normal and okay to feel anger as a response to what has happened. However instead of letting the anger drive your actions, you can notice it and respond in a calm way.
It’s empowering to know that you have a choice in how you respond when you are triggered. Pausing, taking a breath and creating space between you and what triggered you allows you time to make a better choice and respond without anger and frustration.
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